tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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