I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
