Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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