in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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