These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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