I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
