I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
