We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
