wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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