it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
