Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
