Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
