sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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