Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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