so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
