I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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