Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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