I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
