Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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