I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
