i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i will never coherently bang her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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