I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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