also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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