I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
