I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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