Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
