Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
