If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
