woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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