i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
