So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
