You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
