It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
