Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
