We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
