Rock
Scissors
Fuck
her facebook's as public as her vagina
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
