i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
