the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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