you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
did i walk over a car last night?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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