Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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