Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
