is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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