Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
