just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
