It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
