It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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