Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
