Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
