If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
