he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
