I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
