He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
